A family is setting around the supper table and the son asks if he can ask a personal question? The father said ask away. The young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions." "Onions?" "Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Can I ask a personal question? Mom, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, a man's penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root and the balls are there for decoration only."